


it hurts to be alone

by ashtin



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Angst, Comfort, Established Relationship, Internal Conflict, M/M, Polyamory, Self-Doubt, seungmin cries a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24229177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtin/pseuds/ashtin
Summary: another short fic loosely based around Changbin's SKZ-PlayerStreetlight
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 86





	it hurts to be alone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seungmong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seungmong/gifts).



> I'm dedicating this fic to one of my favorite people in the whole world. I love you, Cin~

**_-it hurts to be alone-_ **

* * *

With a long ragged breath in, Seungmin finally allowed himself to open his eyes, if only to stare up at the boring textured ceiling above him. He’d let his alarms go until the very last warning song blared through the speakers of his phone - something he almost never did. But today he welcomed those few extra minutes arms wide open.

Today was the start up of a new project at work. A new project that _Seungmin_ had been put in charge of. How the hell he’d managed to land such a position was beyond him, but he accepted it. Not like he really had the choice  _ not  _ to accept it, but he just couldn’t understand how he’d been picked to oversee something so important when there were plenty of other workers he believed could execute everything a hell of a lot better than he could. 

Hyunjin had held him close and congratulated him, but when he saw the doubt in Seungmin’s eyes and asked what was wrong, Seungmin only pulled away and shook his head.

“It’s nothing.” He’d said with a bright ~~fake~~ smile plastered on his lips.

_ You wouldn’t understand,  _ he’d thought when Hyunjin continued to pester him for a little while longer. He gave up eventually, but Seungmin secretly wished he would have kept it up until he broke down and spoke his mind. He just didn’t have it in him to bring his troubles to his boyfriends… They had enough on their plates as it was. The last thing they needed was to have to sit and listen to Seungmin cry about his job.

Still… If he’d asked just one more time.

A sound coming from his kitchen alerted him and forced Seungmin to drag his butt out of bed and check it out. Neither Hyunjin or Changbin had stayed over the night before, but they both knew the pass code to let themselves in from time to time, so Seungmin wasn’t  _ too  _ worried by the noise. Especially if it was coming from the kitchen.

“Minnie~.” Seungmin heard Hyunjin’s soft voice sing as he got closer to to the entryway of the kitchen. More sounds of pots or pans clinking against the stove top and the sound of the sink cutting on muffled Hyunjin’s voice, but Seugnmin could  _ just  _ make out the words if he strained his ears.

“Ah, Minnie…” Hyunjin spoke to himself as he moved about the kitchen. “I wish he’d just tell us what’s bothering him, y’know?”

Seungmin peeked his head around the corner and watched Hyunjin talk to the pieces of lettuce he was pulling from the head Seungmin kept on hand for when they decided to cook at his place.

Hyunjin held the head of lettuce up to his own face and spoke directly to it as if it was a person, and Seungmin felt the pricks of tears welling up in his eyes at the other’s words.

“That boy… he worries me. I asked him what was wrong and he  _ smiled  _ at me! As if I can’t tell the difference between his real smile and his fake one! If he’s hurting… he should tell us! Binnie and I tell him everything, you know… and he always listens to us well and offers the best advice…”

Hot tears fell down Seungmin’s cheeks and began to make dark wet spots on the t-shirt he’d worn to sleep in. He was still listening to Hyunjin, but now he listened with his back against the wall, scared that the other might turn and see him all the sudden.

“...but who is he relying on through all of it, h-huh?”

Seungmin didn’t need to look to know that Hyunjin had started crying, too. He could hear it in the way Hyunjin’s voice broke on the last word, followed by ugly sniffles that shattered Seungmin’s heart and had his silent tears falling faster than before.

He couldn’t face Hyunjin like that, he decided, and silently made his way back to his bedroom to hop into the shower. He would just pretend as if he never knew that Hyunjin had come in.

He saw his phone light up a few times from where he left it perched on the sink so he could hear the music over the running shower water. Music that he’d put on so that Hyunjin wouldn’t be able to hear him sobbing quietly as he washed the icky feelings away. Or, he attempted to, anyway.

-

Hyunjin was gone by the time Seungmin finished showering. But there was a hot breakfast plated by the stove - and dirty pans in the sink. Seungmin rolled his eyes fondly and picked up the plate, stopping short when he noticed the ripped piece of paper beside it with Hyunjin’s handwriting.

_ ‘Had to go take Kkami to the groomers, but I wanted to make you breakfast. Your lunch is packed and in the fridge, too. Make sure to take your vitamins and drink plenty of water~🖤 I’ll see you tonight! _

_ -Love, Hyunjin🖤🖤🖤 _ ’

Seungmin managed to finish reading the note and smiled softly just as the next wave of tears began to smudge Hyunjin’s beautiful penmanship.

He didn’t deserve his boyfriend. Either of them.

The texts he’d received during his shower ended up being from Changbin. He asked if they could meet up when Seungmin was off work with the same loving reminders that Hyunjin had wrote down tacked on at the end of his usual good morning texts.

-

Four hours and one hell of a half shift later, Seungmin finally allowed himself to check his phone while he unpacked the lunch that Hyunjin had prepared for him.

_ from: changbin _ _  
_ _ -are u free at luuuuuuuuuuunch? _ _  
_ _ -it’s ok if u arent _ _  
_ _ -i miss ur face _ _  
_ _ -can we at least facetiiiime? _ _  
_ _ -🥺🥺🥺 _

Seungmin smiled, genuinely and lovingly, down at the ridiculous string of texts and pulled the stuffed sandwich from its plastic bag and took a large bite of it before he texted his boyfriend back.

_ to: changbin _ _  
_ _ -sorry. i just saw these _ _  
_ _ -i’m free to call, yeah _

He was halfway through sending a third text when his screen was suddenly full of a photo of Changbin, Hyunjin, and himself all pressed together and smiling brightly at the camera. Seungmin smiled back at the photo for a few short seconds and answered the call, smiling even wider when Changbin’s face appeared in real-time video.

_ “Seungmiiiiiiin!”  _ The older boy whined right away. Seungmin barely had enough time to plug in his headphones so that he wouldn’t disturb anyone that passed by his office with Changbin’s loud whining.

“Changbiiiiin.” Seungmin mocked back fondly. “What? Why did you call?”

_ “Because I can. And…” _ Changbin trailed off with his lips set into a pout.

“And?” Seungmin prompted and took a sip from the can of coffee that Hyunjin included in the lunch.

_ “And you seemed down last night when I called. Is everything okay?” _

Seungmin  _ had  _ wanted them to ask again, but he didn’t feel comfortable talking about  _ this  _ particular problem. Not when he was in the very building that housed the cause of it all.

So he sniffed and pretended he had no idea what Changbin was talking about.

“Everything is fine.” He lied, digging out the rest of the contents in his lunch bag and smiling when he saw his favorite chocolate bar was included.

_ “Well. I don’t want to keep you too long on your lunch break, then. You should rest, not put up with my ass for an hour.” _

Seungmin shrugged and finished chewing another bite of his sandwich before he spoke again. “I love putting up with your ass. You know that.”

_ “I love you.” _

Seungmin swallowed his food and smiled warmly, relaxing back into his chair. He didn’t now how much he needed to hear that until the other had said it. And under any other circumstances, he probably would have started crying from how overwhelmed he was  _ actually  _ feeling in that moment, but he wasn’t going to allow himself to cry in the middle of his office with a half eaten sandwich in one hand and his phone in the other.

“I love you, too.” He replied back, using his feet to swing his desk chair back and forth.

_ “You’d tell me if you’re having a hard time, right?” _

Seungmin brought his chair forward and slumped over the surface of his desk with a sigh. 

“Yeah.” He nodded, meaning it. “But not here. Not right now. Is that okay?”

_ “That’s just fine, love. Okay, I actually do have to go now. I’m at the edge of my own lunch break, now.” _

“And you wasted it on meeee?” Seungmin popped a chip in his mouth and smiled at his boyfriend teasingly.

_ “Any time spent talking to you and slash or Hyunjinnie is a time well spent, Seungmin Kim. Don’t you ever think otherwise!”  _ Changbin said with his finger pointed straight at Seungmin through his camera.  _ “I’ll see you tonight?” _

Seungmin nodded. “I’ll see you after I’m off.”

-

The lunch hour had come and gone much too quickly for Seungmin’s liking. And all too soon it came time for him to go back to actually working for the remainder of the afternoon.

He gathered the trash his filling lunch had accumulated and disposed of it. He was just about to flip the lid of his lunch bag closed and zip it up, but the sight of a torn piece of paper sitting at the bottom had him stopping short.

On it was four words. Four simple words that filled him with love and hope.

_ ‘you are not alone.🖤’ _

The note wasn’t signed. But even without any context clues from that morning, Seungmin knew that beautiful handwriting anywhere. Warmth filled his body from head to toe, and he felt near to tears once again, but he didn’t let them fall. Instead, he sat back down at his desk chair and picked up his phone to shoot off two more texts before he went back to work.

_ to: hyunjin _ _  
_ _ -thank you. _ _  
_ _ -i love you.🖤 _

_ from: hyunjin _ _  
_ _ -I love you, too. _

-

He didn’t go directly home when he left his office for the day. Changbin still wanted to meet up, and Hyunjin wanted to see the both of them as well. And with Hyunjin being the only one of the three that owned a pet, he always insisted that it made the most sense to gather at his apartment since Kkami needed attention, too!

Changbin’s car was already there; parked in the uncovered spot next to Hyunjin’s reserved space under the car port covering. Seungmin smiled to himself as he pulled into the space next to Changbin’s and turned off the ignition.

He was able to get through the long and hectic work day because of them… and he hadn’t even mentioned his troubles. Maybe telling them everything could help him out in the long run, too. He thought about it as he climbed the flight of steps to the second floor of Hyunjin’s apartment complex.

He could hear Kkami’s barks and whines at the door as before he could even begin to put in Hyunjin’s pass code and smiled to himself as he heard the other two’s bantering over ‘apartment etiquette’.

“All I’m saying is that you’re going to start getting noise complaints if he keeps barking for us before we can even get inside!” Changbin argued just as Seungmin swung the door open.

“Hi, baby.” Hyunjin said, completely ignoring Changbin’s point in favor to pull Seungmin into a bone crushing embrace as soon as he was finished giving Kkami a few pets on his head.

“How was your day at work?” Changbin asked as he walked over to take his turn hugging him close.

Seungmin waited for both of his boyfriends to let go and give him space before he took a deep breath in through his nose and bit his lip.

He was going to cry. He’d already accepted that he was going to probably bawl his eyes out when he’d convinced himself to let it all out on his drive over.

He bent over to drop his car keys by the table next to Hyunjin’s front door and straightened back up, shaking his head as the tears welled up in his eyes and whispered, “...work was awful.”

* * *

_**-you are not alone-** _

**Author's Note:**

> twt: @lovelyjjix  
> cc: curiouscat.me/lovelyjjix  
> insta: @lovelyjjix


End file.
